Tag Archives: parody

March Mischief Kindle Sale and giveaway!

1 Mar

romance novel.webHey, folks. It’s time for a sale! Why? Because we’re coming on my second year anniversary of being a published indie author. To celebrate, I’m giving away all of my Amazon Kindle books for .99.  Some are even FREE!

If you walk around with a large stick shoved up your ass or are easily offended, this sale might not be for you. If you are looking for some raunchy, rip snortin’ fun, then download a PJ Jones’ book today. You (probably) won’t regret it!

And LOOKIE! NAUGHTY LITTLE SCHNITZEL is back by (sort of) popular demand.  It’s only got seven bad reviews. I know there have to be more easily offended readers readers out there, right? 

schnitzel.webVisit my Amazon author page for more great deals.

Books and short stories by PJ Jones:

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 BUT WAIT, THAT’S NOT ALL! DURING THE MONTH OF MARCH, I’LL BE GIVING AWAY SIGNED COPIES OF EITHER DRIVING ME NUTS! OR ATTACK OF THE FAIRYTALE ZOMBIES! TO THREE LUCKY READERS. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ANSWER MY QUESTION AND LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW TO ENTER FOR YOUR CHANCE TO WIN. QUESTION: WHAT DO YOU DO FOR LAUGHS?

Good luck, and thanks for stopping by.

** Signed books are available for US residents. International residents are eligible for free book downloads.

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The Apocalypse Collection and Fishing with Sasquatch is here!!!

6 Dec

Yes, I have to look up ‘apocalypse’ every time I spell it, but none of that matters, because I’ve got exciting news! This week I’ve got not one, but two, book releases! Fishing With Sasquatch will be FREE on Kindle December 7th and 8th, so be sure to get your copy!

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Cover designed by Tara West at http://www.tarawest.com .

The Apocalypse Collection is a collection of short stories from my Eclective peeps for just .99. Grab your copy HERE before it’s no longer on sale, or before the world ends, whichever comes first.

It’s the end of the world as we know it, and the Eclective feels fine.

The Shifting Sands by Tara West: When a jealous goddess threatens to destroy all of humanity, a young woman and her family must overcome impossible odds to survive.

Light by Emma Jameson: In the zombie apocalypse, the hope for humanity’s survival is pinned on Daniel. Unfortunately, Daniel is an android. And humanity may be past all hope…

Alien Butt Plugs by PJ Jones: The aliens are coming! And Jeb’s first line of defense may be worse than the anal probe he fears.

Seeds by M. Edward McNally: For Meats and his fellow Guns, life was simple. Keep your respirator clear, your weapon ready, and an eye on your neighbors. Until one day Meats found some seeds, and everything got complicated.

Cleavers by Heather Marie Adkins: Creatures such as the Cleavers should never exist. But in Tora’s world, they’re real, and death is more likely than survival.

The Last Christmas by Alan Nayes: On the verge of the Apocalypse, a young couple wish to spend one last Christmas together.

Combustion by RG Porter: Kate wakes to find her world scorched and survivors in short supply. She needs to unravel the cause before time runs out.

Fishing With Sasquatch is also a short story collection, but all the stories are written by yours truly. Most are crude and rude, but one is just plain weird. You can get your copy HERE!

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Cover designed by Tara West at http://www.tarawest.com .

Warning: PJ Jones doesn’t just take fiction and make it funny. First she bludgeons it, butchers it, pulverizes it, and then regurgitates the indigestible parts onto the page. So if you are bold enough to click on that purchase button, just be warned; if your laugh-o-meter is set to prude, not crude, and you have high literary standards, or ANY standards at all, you will be sadly disappointed, plus you may vomit a little in your mouth.

Fishing with Sasquatch: Life is good for Reb the Redneck. After being acquitted for murder, he’s ready to grab life by the horns … until a lonely lady sasquatch grabs him by something else!

Included in this parody collection are seven more weird, short stories: Zombie Santa VS. Hannibal Lecter, Kate Gosselin VS. Sasquatch, The Walking Tree, Sasquatch Goes Vegan, Kim Khardashian VS. Cupid, Love, Death and erectile Dysfunction, and Love in a Bottle.

***Nearly Legitimate Reviews for Fishing With Sasquatch***

From PJ Jones’ imaginary friend: Cue the banjo music! It’s another rude, crude, side-splitting parody from PJ Jones.

From PJ Jones’ neighbor’s dead cat: I can’t believe I wasted one of my nine lives reading this book.

From Melvin the zombie: Brains. Books. Brains.

From the flasher in the Safeway parking lot: Come a little closer. I’ve got something else for you to read.

From the sanitation truck driver in PJ’s neighborhood: I knew there was a strange smell coming from PJ’s house.

* * *

And as a special holiday bonus for my readers, all of my books will be .99 all December long! Check out my author page, HERE for a complete selection. Happy reading and good luck with the apocalypse!

Quit whining indie authors!

9 May

So some guy on KindleBoards is whining that his book isn’t selling. Loads of other authors offer advice. He’s offended. He wants to quit the writing business.

I didn’t comment on that thread, just like I don’t comment on the numerous whiny author FB posts.

My book isn’t selling. Nobody loves me. I should just quit. Wahhh!

Authors, don’t invite us to your pity parties and then reject our advice. Authors, quit whining that nobody is buying your books. If nobody is buying your books, whining isn’t helping. DO something about it. 

Here are some options:

  • 1. New cover
  • 2. Revise.
  • 3. Promote more.
  • 4. Try writing another book or a whole new genre.
  • 5. Quit whining. Quit whining. Quit whining.

My parodies aren’t selling as well as I’d like. I realize that this genre is limiting. Not every reader is a fan of crude paranormal parody. My mainstream comedy has received stellar reviews and has sold far better than the parodies.  So my next PJ Jones’ book will also be a mainstream comedy, not a parody.

Do I love writing parodies?

Hell yes!

Does it sadden me that I have to put those books on hold for a while?

Hell yes!

Am I whining about it?

Hell no!

Because whining isn’t going to sell more books.

I pubbed YA under another name with a publisher about five years ago. Those books didn’t sell well, but they are selling well now that I’ve gotten my rights back and put them on Kindle, Nook and itunes. I’ve realized that right now YA is HOT.

So yet another reason to put parodies on hold while I focus on releasing more YAs.

In today’s market, when the publishing industry has been completely rewritten by Kindle and other epubs, publishing houses are forced to adapt. This is the perfect market for indie authors. At least, those indie authors who are savvy enough to quit bitching and write for the market. Just like the publishing houses, we have to adapt, too. We have to learn new ways to sell our books. Try new things. But most of all, we have to quit whining!

And if you, the indie author, can’t market, can’t revise, can’t adapt, can’t accept feedback, then maybe this isn’t the business for you.

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