Archive | October, 2012

Happy Halloween and new horror release by G.R. Yeates

31 Oct

We’re celebrating Halloween today with a few awesome horror reads!

Congrats to GR Yeates for the release of This Darkness Mine, a bizarro horror fiction novel, priced right at just $2.99.

The City is a house of flies, slowly rotting away. Soho Ghetto is a place of riots, sex, abuse and disease but it is no worse than the corporate meat-markets that staff their offices with the corpses of recently-deceased employees. Have you ever been to The Shop? Would you know a Bottom-Feeder if you saw one? Do you know what it feels like to be eaten alive by a Redundancy Package? Would you like to meet a Fallen Angel? All of these things and more are here. This is the bestiary of the 21st Century. This darkness mine.
And don’t forget The Vampire Handbook, with bonus zombie and were-thing handbooks, is still free at major ebook retailers, including Amazon !  If you are thinking of making the transition to the bloodsucking lifestyle, don’t be caught UNdead without your copy. Some of the helpful tips in this handbook include: Rules for Living an Environmentally Friendly and Urbane, Undead Lifestyle, Dietary Restrictions for Vampires, Engaging in Battles with Other Immortals, Rules for Fitting into Society and not Scaring off Potential Meals and much more…

It’s currently #1 in parodies on Kindle!

Happy Halloween my ghoulish friends. Remember not to fill up on too much candy and brains, and never, ever drain victims who’ve just consumed copious amounts of Mexican or Thai food. Immortal indigestion can be horrific. ~ PJ

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Pride and Prejudice and Vampires is FREE today and tomorrow!

19 Oct
Click here to download my tasteless, tacky and crude parody for FREE on Kindle today and tomorrow.
PJ Jones doesn’t just take fiction and make it funny. First she bludgeons it, butchers it, pulverizes it, and then regurgitates the indigestible parts onto the page. So if you are bold enough to click on that purchase button, just be warned; if your laugh-o-meter is set to prude, not crude, and you have high literary standards, or ANY standards at all, you will be sadly disappointed, plus you may vomit a little in your mouth.

If you are ready to take a jaunt through low-brow inane prose, join Elizabeth Bennet and her vampire family as they disgrace a once-esteemed novel while feasting on toad-faced suitors, servants and orphans. Mmmmm.

Thank goodness for Mr. Darcy, who tries to steer Elizabeth back on script, and preserve whatever dignity is left of Jane Austen’s good name, while at the same time, salivating over Elizabeth Bennet’s huge breasts.

Included in this shameless satire is more rip-snortin’ good fun, a collection of eight short paranormal parodies: The Guide to Immortal Sex; The PMS Vampire, Werewolf and Zombie Handbook; Melvin the Vacuum Salesman Zombie; and a few other nameless, tasteless short stories.

What are you waiting for? Either buy the book or get out now before you suffer permanent brain damage.

*** Praise for Pride and Prejudice and Vampires ***

From Jane Austen: This book motivated me to return from beyond the veil of mortality so that I might smack PJ Jones upside the head.

From PJ Jones’ neighbor’s dead cat: I can’t believe I wasted one of my nine lives reading this book.

From Melvin the zombie: Brains. Books. Brains.

From the flasher in the Safeway parking lot: Come a little closer. I’ve got something else for you to read.

From the sanitation truck driver in PJ’s neighborhood: I knew there was a strange smell coming from PJ’s house.

Free spooky download today and tomorrow!

5 Oct

Eight spooky stories by eight eclectic authors all FREE today and tomorrow on Kindle. What are you waiting for? Get your spook on!  Click HERE to download.

Click to download.

Empty Vessel by M. Edward McNally: Captain Wil has command of his own ship, the respect of his crew, and his wife is expecting their first child. But at sea, the winds always become calm just before the storm breaks.

The Smell of Death by Tara West: Maggie’s unusual powers bring new threats to her already troubled childhood.

Safe by Emma Jameson: In Victorian London, a grave robber makes a nice living off the dead, until he opens the wrong crypt.

Soulfully Sweet by Shéa MacLeod: As if helping the living isn’t enough of a pain in her divine hindquarters, Branwen (former goddess of love and beauty) is stuck helping the dead on All Hallow’s Eve.

May I Go Play? by Heather Marie Adkins: Micah inherits a southern mansion where ancestors long dead relive their violent deaths. And now, they want company…

Blehdward, the Vampire who Couldn’t Sparkle by Pj Jones: Blehdward desperately wants to fit in with the cool vamps. If only he could learn how to sparkle.

Franscesca by Alan Nayes: Break a promise to a feiticeira and you will live to regret it.

Soul Eaters by R.G. Porter: Kaitlyn never believed in the existence of other worlds. Now she’s in the middle of one where humans aren’t the hunters but the hunted.

The Eclective is a group of authors dedicated to the premise that The Story is The Thing, and classifications of genre are mostly a matter for bookshelves. While the following stories share a “Haunting” theme, they might variously be filed as Horror, Paranormal, Fantasy, YA, etc., or anything else. Our idea is that the story itself is more important than whatever label somebody feels like giving it, and by bringing our work together in collections like this one, we hope readers may find a story they might like. Even if it is not in “their” genre.

Morgan Bailey, Vampire Hunter-Get it while it’s HOT!!!

2 Oct

Happy Release Day! to the uber talented, Shéa MacLeod, whose steamy vampire hunter stories have been ‘revamped’ and rereleased by Amazon’s imprint, Montlake Romance. Click HERE for the Amazon purchase link. Book one, Kissed by Darkness, releases today. Books two and three will release later this year. All issues will have new scenes, so even if you’ve read them before, you’re sure to find the books are even better.

Shéa MacLeod is PROOF that indie authors are achieving success. Go Shéa!!!

 

Kissed by Darkness:

Three years ago, Morgan Bailey narrowly survived a vampire attack that left her with heightened senses, uncanny speed, and a new calling: supernatural bounty hunter. Since that day, sexy, street-smart Morgan hasn’t met a vampire she couldn’t dust or a demon she couldn’t kill—until she’s hired to hunt down a priceless amulet and the sunwalker who stole it. Sunwalkers—powerful vampires immune to sunlight—are notoriously difficult to find, let alone kill. Still, a job’s a job, and Morgan’s never been one to shy away from a challenge. So bring it on…right?

But the sunwalker ends up tracking her down. And not only that, he turns out to be cunning, charming—and undeniably gorgeous. Nevertheless, she can’t ignore the destruction he is capable of: the sunwalker possesses an ancient secret which, if unleashed, could destroy the human world. Captivating and fantastical, Kissed by Darkness introduces a kick-ass new heroine and an addictive new series for fans of urban fantasy.