Tag Archives: the eclective

The Apocalypse Collection and Fishing with Sasquatch is here!!!

6 Dec

Yes, I have to look up ‘apocalypse’ every time I spell it, but none of that matters, because I’ve got exciting news! This week I’ve got not one, but two, book releases! Fishing With Sasquatch will be FREE on Kindle December 7th and 8th, so be sure to get your copy!

APOCALYPSEweb

Cover designed by Tara West at http://www.tarawest.com .

The Apocalypse Collection is a collection of short stories from my Eclective peeps for just .99. Grab your copy HERE before it’s no longer on sale, or before the world ends, whichever comes first.

It’s the end of the world as we know it, and the Eclective feels fine.

The Shifting Sands by Tara West: When a jealous goddess threatens to destroy all of humanity, a young woman and her family must overcome impossible odds to survive.

Light by Emma Jameson: In the zombie apocalypse, the hope for humanity’s survival is pinned on Daniel. Unfortunately, Daniel is an android. And humanity may be past all hope…

Alien Butt Plugs by PJ Jones: The aliens are coming! And Jeb’s first line of defense may be worse than the anal probe he fears.

Seeds by M. Edward McNally: For Meats and his fellow Guns, life was simple. Keep your respirator clear, your weapon ready, and an eye on your neighbors. Until one day Meats found some seeds, and everything got complicated.

Cleavers by Heather Marie Adkins: Creatures such as the Cleavers should never exist. But in Tora’s world, they’re real, and death is more likely than survival.

The Last Christmas by Alan Nayes: On the verge of the Apocalypse, a young couple wish to spend one last Christmas together.

Combustion by RG Porter: Kate wakes to find her world scorched and survivors in short supply. She needs to unravel the cause before time runs out.

Fishing With Sasquatch is also a short story collection, but all the stories are written by yours truly. Most are crude and rude, but one is just plain weird. You can get your copy HERE!

Fishing_web

Cover designed by Tara West at http://www.tarawest.com .

Warning: PJ Jones doesn’t just take fiction and make it funny. First she bludgeons it, butchers it, pulverizes it, and then regurgitates the indigestible parts onto the page. So if you are bold enough to click on that purchase button, just be warned; if your laugh-o-meter is set to prude, not crude, and you have high literary standards, or ANY standards at all, you will be sadly disappointed, plus you may vomit a little in your mouth.

Fishing with Sasquatch: Life is good for Reb the Redneck. After being acquitted for murder, he’s ready to grab life by the horns … until a lonely lady sasquatch grabs him by something else!

Included in this parody collection are seven more weird, short stories: Zombie Santa VS. Hannibal Lecter, Kate Gosselin VS. Sasquatch, The Walking Tree, Sasquatch Goes Vegan, Kim Khardashian VS. Cupid, Love, Death and erectile Dysfunction, and Love in a Bottle.

***Nearly Legitimate Reviews for Fishing With Sasquatch***

From PJ Jones’ imaginary friend: Cue the banjo music! It’s another rude, crude, side-splitting parody from PJ Jones.

From PJ Jones’ neighbor’s dead cat: I can’t believe I wasted one of my nine lives reading this book.

From Melvin the zombie: Brains. Books. Brains.

From the flasher in the Safeway parking lot: Come a little closer. I’ve got something else for you to read.

From the sanitation truck driver in PJ’s neighborhood: I knew there was a strange smell coming from PJ’s house.

* * *

And as a special holiday bonus for my readers, all of my books will be .99 all December long! Check out my author page, HERE for a complete selection. Happy reading and good luck with the apocalypse!

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Quit whining indie authors!

9 May

So some guy on KindleBoards is whining that his book isn’t selling. Loads of other authors offer advice. He’s offended. He wants to quit the writing business.

I didn’t comment on that thread, just like I don’t comment on the numerous whiny author FB posts.

My book isn’t selling. Nobody loves me. I should just quit. Wahhh!

Authors, don’t invite us to your pity parties and then reject our advice. Authors, quit whining that nobody is buying your books. If nobody is buying your books, whining isn’t helping. DO something about it. 

Here are some options:

  • 1. New cover
  • 2. Revise.
  • 3. Promote more.
  • 4. Try writing another book or a whole new genre.
  • 5. Quit whining. Quit whining. Quit whining.

My parodies aren’t selling as well as I’d like. I realize that this genre is limiting. Not every reader is a fan of crude paranormal parody. My mainstream comedy has received stellar reviews and has sold far better than the parodies.  So my next PJ Jones’ book will also be a mainstream comedy, not a parody.

Do I love writing parodies?

Hell yes!

Does it sadden me that I have to put those books on hold for a while?

Hell yes!

Am I whining about it?

Hell no!

Because whining isn’t going to sell more books.

I pubbed YA under another name with a publisher about five years ago. Those books didn’t sell well, but they are selling well now that I’ve gotten my rights back and put them on Kindle, Nook and itunes. I’ve realized that right now YA is HOT.

So yet another reason to put parodies on hold while I focus on releasing more YAs.

In today’s market, when the publishing industry has been completely rewritten by Kindle and other epubs, publishing houses are forced to adapt. This is the perfect market for indie authors. At least, those indie authors who are savvy enough to quit bitching and write for the market. Just like the publishing houses, we have to adapt, too. We have to learn new ways to sell our books. Try new things. But most of all, we have to quit whining!

And if you, the indie author, can’t market, can’t revise, can’t adapt, can’t accept feedback, then maybe this isn’t the business for you.

Happy Beltane! Download your FREE Celtic anthology

2 May
Download your Kindle copy today and tomorrow for FREE.
Six stories from The Eclective, six accounts of Celtic things. There’s more than one way to go Green.
Irish Kiss by Shéa MacLeod Morgan Bailey, vampire Hunter, thought finding a Leprechaun’s missing pot of gold would be easy. She couldn’t have been more wrong.
The Luck of the Irish Brigade by M. Edward McNally The Irish are fighting themselves, only because there are no other worthy opponents.
Song of the Banshee by Heather Marie Adkins Belinda has a job to do, but a dying man’s grandson may be a big problem. It’s a hard world for a lonely banshee.
The Red Veil of Vengeance by Jack Wallen Vlad Kurvail is back and, as usual, he’s pissed. This time his cold vengeance is served up to the Irish. Will their luck hold out?
Zombies Eat Leprechauns by P.J. Jones When a zombie curse infects the Fairytale Kingdom, Lucky the Leprechaun needs the help of an idiot dragon slayer and a cross-dressing dragon to escape. Can he make it out with his pot of gold, or will Lucky’s luck run out?
Five Shamrocks by Alan Nayes After her husband dies on St. Patrick’s Day, life goes on for Mattie O’Malley.